life as mrs. smith/ mother of two: April 2010

Well it's taken me longer than i thought it would to post this blog. Joel will already be a week old tonight! sorry i didn't post sooner! but anyone with a new baby will understand why! i just love spending time staring into my little boy's eyes, and my computer is one of the last things on my mind. however i was eager to post pics on facebook, and now to tell my birth story. it most likely would have been more detailed if i had written it the day after it took place, but lucky for you that didn't happen. so it all started just perfectly! mama had been here 2 weeks, and my sister sarah had arrived tuesday morning. just hours later i lost my mucus plug. i had been praying that God would allow the timing to be good, because i didn't want sarah to be gone from her husband too long and still no sign of baby coming. so God did that for me! then that tuesday we went and got pedicures at the mall! i had been wanting to do that as a last minute pampering! we had fun! then wednesday morning i woke up around 8 and noticed some small contractions, but i didn't think much of them knowing early labor can last days! so sarah and my friend/neighbor and i went to the gym. my mom had woke up in the night thinking she should go into a fast, so she stayed home! and its a good thing too, because it all picked up pretty fast! we were at the gym doing my normal step class and i found myself counting the contractions lasting 30 seconds each and having several right after another. i didn't want to make a scene in front of the class, so i tried to keep going. but they were getting stronger and all i could think about was if this baby comes today i want a shower and i need to save my energy. so i got up the courage and told the gals its time to go. the whole class knew something was up... but none of them made too big of a deal of it. they were just excited and told me to call them and that they would be remembering me! it was sweet. so anyway, we get home, and i take a shower and start to time them. they were 6 minutes apart and lasting 30-24 seconds long. they just felt like really bad menstrual cramps like i had been told! i called garret and let him know, but not to make a big deal out of it yet. but if he needed to, to be ready to come home early. so he got busy getting everything he could done for the next couple days to take off. i laid down for a nap, and got to sleep ok for an hour or so. i couldn't really sleep through the contractions, but i could sleep between them, and just resting was all i wanted to do anyway. when i got up mama, sarah, and i just sat around on the couches listening to gospel music! i don't know if i would have put my gospel music in, but i'm so happy they helped me have it! i had made a list of several early labor projects i wanted to do, but none of them sounded fun for me! games or staying busy didn't appeal to me in the least like i thought they would. just focusing and drawing our minds in to the Lord was the perfect start to the birth day! garret got home about 5 like always, and the contractions had sped up to about 4 minutes apart. and just as he was walking in the door i think i went into harder labor. just minutes with him home i threw up a couple times and things really started to progress. my emotions during the day started out really excited and thankful that this day was already here! a quick 9 months in my opinion. sure at the end i started wanting it more and becoming more eager, but it all just came and left so quickly. when the pain increased, my feelings just kind of went from excited to maybe a little unsure of things. i didn't feel scared, and i wasn't in any way thinking negatively, but i definitely started to question a lot of things. like am i really ready for this? will i ever want to go through this again? how much longer will i have to go? but i would then remind myself, God will deliver me, and this is what we both wanted, and after this i will have a baby in my arms Lord willing and the pain will soon be forgotten. around 9 o-clock, i got in the warm bath. i had been around 3 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds to about a minute long. the tub helped speed things up and i started having them 2 minutes apart lasting about a minute and a half. mama had mentioned to me that maybe i should start pushing, and so i did, but the first few times i pushed i was thinking it might be too soon. and i really didn't want to wear myself out if we had all night and more to go. but shortly after, it started to feel good to push. but i wasn't that comfortable in the tub. so i got out and walked around for a while. i went downstairs for a change of scenery and was pushing through a contraction leaning against the birth ball and i felt and heard my water break, it was 9:20. my water breaking was like a small water balloon popping. we went back upstairs and i got back in the tub thinking it would help speed things up again and i really started to bear down. i was unsure if it was time to be pushing so hard, and i was so worried about my breathing! as most of us know when pushing, you have to breath long deep breaths out, and take a tiny inhale. as with a big breath in and out doesn't help the head down the birth canal. so i was trying so hard to focus on my breathing, but it was kind of psyching me out! i felt like i wasn't doing good enough. i reached down and felt to see if anything was going on down there, and to my surprise i could start to feel the bulge of my baby's head. at that point i felt like everything was going to be ok, that the end was near, and that the pain would soon be over! that my wanting and thinking i couldn't or didn't want to go any longer would vanish away, and i knew that God was holding my hand and walking with me through it all. i felt sure of things, and comforted and relieved and really motivated to give it my all. garret was right by my side this whole time. we were practicing our tools we learned like the labor dance, and the double hip squeeze, and he would rub my back and hold my hand and he was right there with me through every second. mama and sarah were at a perfect distance. praying for me and checking on me, but giving me the space i needed. and sarah had been occasionally filming us like i had asked. i wanted to capture this great miracle on video so i would never forgot God's mercy and the moment i would lay eyes on my newborn. so as i was bearing down with everything i had in the tub, i still wasn't finding a comfortable position, so i got out again, and went and squatted down beside my bed holding on to the wooden bed frame at about 9:45. i thought i had given it all i had, but every time i just kept getting more and more to give! when you think your done and spent, God just grants you a little extra to keep going. garret was behind me telling me how good i was doing, and that he could feel and see the bulge as well and i just had a little longer to go. i don't know what i would have done without him being there for me and helping me go one step further each time. mama was just to the side of garret and she was trying to look to see how things were going on down there. and sarah was behind them and my 2 dogs were also in the room. my girl dog jane was a little scared of the commotion and was hiding on the other side of the bed, but my boy dog duke was real close checking on how things were going. it didn't bother me at all. it was my world, my environment, my room, my family, my animals, my everything! everything was just how i wanted it! i was comfortable and i felt safe and i felt peace. and i also felt a lot of pressure and a lot of eagerness to just be done with this all! so i just kept bearing down harder and harder and just in the nick of time sarah got the video camera on because the baby's head just shot out! it didn't crown, i didn't tear, the head just was right there! i could feel it of course, but in my mind i was thinking so hard on how so many say this was the most intense and worst part of labor was "the ring of fire." when the biggest area of the baby's head is out. but mine honestly was so fast i didn't really feel this ring of fire! it all hurt! my whole body hurt! so then... the shoulders! took a few seconds longer than i thought it would, only because watching other birth videos after the head was out, the rest of the body just shot out... and mine, i think still did, but that pause in between felt longer. i let out a huge grunt and sigh of relief! finally it was over. only 14 hours long from start to finish. Joel Mitchel Smith was born at 10:07 8 lbs 10 oz 20 inches long!. looking back it was such a fast delivery, and i'm so thankful for that. however that last hour of labor seemed like several hours. but anyway, now the baby is out and i already feel such a joy with it just being over! and then i see my baby! Daddy got to catch him and cut his cord! that is how i wanted it and garret did so good! and he is so proud its unreal!!! garret saw it was a boy but was just waiting for the cry. seconds later a couple coughs and then the sweetest baby cry our ears have ever heard! then sarah, mama, and the new daddy all yelled out ITS A BOY!!! i knew it was, i just had that feeling. they handed me my son while i'm still squatting down and there are no words for how that felt. i could try my best to describe it, but it wouldn't come close to how much joy and disbelief and love i felt! no mother could ever say there is no such thing as love at first sight! because there totally is! i loved him for 9 months, but when i got to hold him in my arms and know that i worked so hard and by the grace of God have a son!!! it truly was awesome! then, what i thought was only seconds, happened to be like 5 minutes later, i was getting ready to get up onto the bed and felt a small urge to push and out comes the after birth! i was so surprised, but not as surprised as everyone else in the room. they weren't even ready for it haha. i was over a bunch of pads, but i was just pouring out with bloods and fluids! i literally thought someone left a sink running, i even asked, is that me?...and it sure was. just a waterfall draining out! only a couple spots got on the carpet, but with my super handy dandy husband, he got the stain out in no time! finally i got in bed and rested while i watched the new grandma and daddy put on joel's first outfit and weigh him and measure him! of course after i had my much needed skin on skin with my new child! his slippery white little body never could look any sweeter! or so i thought! to my surprise he gets more beautiful and pretty every day and with it my love grows deeper and deeper! i had to get up to go to the bathroom and the first couple times i did, i passed out. mama and garret were holding me so they just carried me back to bed. and the other time i passed out on the toilette. i have only passed out one other time and it was from my menstrual cramps, but i was laying in bed at that point so the aftermath of it all was totally different. but i would see everything start to get really bright and i would hear a ringing sound in my ears. then the next thing i knew i had garret and mama saying my name and things slowly came into focus. ha, it was weird, but i felt safe still and very well taken care of. i got to lay in bed with my newly swaddled baby! so warm and sweet! and smelt so good without even having a bath, just a quick wipe down. i never felt more relaxed and at peace! that first night mama took joel with her so garret and i could get our rest. that was much needed. and we had a good first day. i had a good amount of company, and didn't get to sleep much that day, so i was wiped out by that night. and it was so hot in my room. and i sweat so much through labor and trying to breast feed. so by mistake we slept with our window opened and with a combination of things, i got a fever the second day! that was pretty miserable! i felt worse that day than before, and i felt so weak and tired and burning up and freezing all at once, and on top of that had company and a new baby i wanted to spend every second with. but i needed more rest. but with lots of prayer my fever broke that night and day 3 was great! i got to shower and that made me feel like a whole new person! also my milk came in that morning. it was gradual, so that surprised me from other stories i had heard. we got a couple good feedings in that day. my strength grew more each day! garret did the sweetest thing for me that day as well. he said he was gonna go outside and do some yard work, and i was kinda surprised that he didn't stay with me all day, but i just shrugged it off. and a couple hours later, i kept thinking why in the world this yard work was taking so long, he comes upstairs and tells me to look outside. i'm thinking, i have seen your weed eating jobs before! i'm sure you did fine! but to my surprise, a beautiful blossom tree stood out my window! we had been talking for a long time about putting a tree there, and just never got around to it. and in mine and my son's honor garret planted this tree pretty much by himself! my heart just melted and i wanted to cry i was so happy! i will never forget how it made me feel, and now we can always remember it was planted right after the birth of our firstborn! day 4 i got to come downstairs and that also was a big deal! change of view and i didn't feel so trapped and tired of being in bed. my days are starting to already run together now, but its already day 7. i cant believe his first week has gone this fast. he has had several baths, we got his hand and foot prints, he has been eating good, and just so much to be thankful for. as far as pain and healing go, i feel great! each day i got better and better. it really did take it out of me though! after the baby came i thought all the pain was over, but thats not really true! every time i would breastfeed baby doll i would get contractions... ugh, i thought they were gone! but that has gone away now! but... the whole breastfeeding thing in general.... tough! i really was shocked how hard it has been. first with the milk coming in, pretty painful when fully engorged! but most of all, the latching on! ...so so painful! it gets easier every day, but man has it been hard! i have these sores that reopen every time little man latches on. and it would be easy if he latched on first try and stayed on, but no! he has to get fussy and frustrated and try a few times and each time it hurts worse and worse! its pretty crazy! but the joy once he is on, and the satisfaction and comfort he gets from it outweighs it all! God has just granted me so much grace and strength! and i can only look forward to when it won't hurt at all. but till then, i can manage, and the little guy loves to eat! he has been such a perfect baby! he calms down pretty fast and just has the sweetest nature already to him! and he is already so strong! the night he was born he was already lifting up his own head! and his little arms and legs are strong! but of course me being the mom will always think he is the best at everything. this has been a great experience and i don't want to go without thanking the Lord. i couldn't have done it without Him. each day i see more beauty and more blessings and He is so quick to answer my many prayers! i'm thankful for all the help we have had! its such a blessing to have my family, and the brothern for comfort! this saturday is the baby shower! i can't wait! i want everyone to get to see and hold my baby! it brings so much joy when others think your baby is precious! and i think monday or tuesday mama and sarah will head home! i wanna cry thinking about them leaving. our family of was 5 going to family of 3, but at the same time i know i will really get to be a mom and joel and i will grow together on our own during the day. and our family of 3 will just need each other! that will be nice! well, hope i didn't leave out too much! its been a good but busy week! thank you again for all your prayers! thanks be to God for our little miracle! i love you joel